Someone calls from outside and asks, "Where exactly are you located in Sedona?" You ask, "Have you ever been to Sedona before?" "No." "Well, do you have a map of the area?" "No," then...

A guest checks in and immediately starts arguing with you, "The clock on your wall is wrong." You look at the clock and say, "No ma'am, the clock is correct." "No it's not, it's an hour slow." You respond "Ma'am, where did you come from today?" "Kansas, why?" "Well ma'am, you're in a different time zone." "A different what?" then...

A guest calls from their room and says, "How do I use my telephone calling card?" "Well sir, just dial a 9 to get an outside line then dial like you normally do." "I don't know what to dial. I've had this card for five years, but I've never used it before." "Sir, each card is different, but there are instructions on the back of your card that tells how to make a call." "Can't you just tell me how to use it?" he says, sounding a little panicky. "No sir, I don't know how to use your card." "Why not?" he says angrily. "You work in a hotel, you're supposed to know these things." "Sir, each card is different, just follow the instructions on the back of your card." "Fine," he yells and slams down the receiver, then...

A guest calls from their room and complains, "No one cleaned my room while we were out today." "Sir, housekeeping didn't enter your room today because you had your DO NOT DISTURB sign on your door." "I know I did, but why didn't they clean my room?" then...

A guest calls from their room and says, "I can't figure out how to turn on my shower," then...

A guest calls from their room and asks, "How do I fill my tub?" You explain how to fill the tub. Five minutes later the same guest calls and says "My tub is full, what do I do now?" then...

A guest calls from their room and says, "I just took a shower, and the water won't drain out of my tub." You go to check and tell them "Ma'am, if the plug in the tub is closed the water can't drain out," then...

A guest comes to the front desk and complains, "There's no phone in my room." You ask, "Are you sure? It should be on the end of your credenza." "Oh, I laid my garment bag on the credenza, and I'll bet that lump underneath it is the phone," then...

A guest calls from their room and asks, "How do I make a collect call?" You say, "Dial a 9 to get an outside line." Then they say, "Is that all?" "Well, you do have to dial "O" and the number you want." "Oh. Okay, thanks," then...

A guest calls and says, "How do I get an outside line?" You say "Dial 9 to get an outside line," which they do immediately. As you're hoping your hearing will return in your left ear you tell them "Hang up the phone, pick up the receiver and THEN dial a 9," then...

Someone calls and says "I'm coming to your area in eight months for a two day stay. What will the weather and temperature be on those days?" When they get upset because you don't know, then...

A guest decides to spend an extra day in your hotel, without telling you, and the hotel, and town, are sold out. Then they leave their room early in the morning for a day of sight seeing. In the mean time you pull in every favor to find a room in another hotel for the two guests that now have no room at your hotel. At 9:00 PM the stay-overs return and don't understand why the staff is upset just because they stayed an extra day, then...

A guest calls from their rooms and says, "My TV remote doesn't work." You go to their room and have to explain, "Sir if you are lying on the bed with your feet sticking up between the TV and the remote the signal can't get from the remote to the TV," then...

A guest calls from their room and says, "My TV remote doesn't work." You go to their room and have to explain, "Sir you're holding the remote backwards. Didn't you notice that all the writing on the remote was upside down?" "Well, I thought it was strange, but no big deal," then...

A guest calls from their room and says "My phone is making a funny buzzing sound every five minutes." When you go to check their phone, and find the guest's personal beeper sitting next to the phone, on vibrate mode, then...

A guest calls down from their room and says, "I forgot to pack a few things before I left. Do you have an electric razor, hair dryer, curling iron, shower cap, toothbrush, iron and ironing board I could borrow?" then...

Someone calls from outside and says, "I saw in my AAA Guide that you have hotel packages." "Yes we do." " Good, would you send me one please." "Excuse me ma'am?" "I would like you to send me one of your hotel packages," then...

Someone calls from the outside and says, "Hi, I'd like to check your availability." "Certainly, what dates were you thinking of?" "Oh, I haven't decided yet. I was just wondering what your availability was," then...

You may be dealing with A First Time Traveler.

Finally

I checked a woman and her four year old daughter into a room. About an hour later she called me from her room and sounded very embarrassed, she had locked herself in and couldn't get out. While arranging her trip the travel agent insisted she buy an inexpensive lock from AAA that would secure her door from the inside. She had used the lock with no problems at other hotels, but for some reason it jammed on our door. Her only way out of the room was over the first floor balcony. She had tried to undo her lock for over fifteen minutes, with no success. As she was talking to me I heard her daughter say, "Mommy, I fixed the lock", and the woman responded "That's nice dear," and kept talking to me. After hanging up I headed for the back of the office to grab some tools to see if I could unlock her door from the outside when she called again. She told me her four year old had indeed unlocked the door. She sounded even more embarrassed about this then her inability to unlock it herself.

You can reach him at his site, The Creative Cauldron (www.CreativeCauldron.com) or at JeffColburn@CreativeCauldron.com

Jeff's experience includes being a: Deputy Sheriff; Crime Analyst; Freelance Photographer; Freelance Computer Consultant; Researcher; Creator of a nonprofit organization where he edited and published a national monthly newsletter for the hearing impaired community.

He has also written two e-books. "The Writer's Dictionary Of Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror And Mythology" is a reference book for writers, and "The Youngest Ninja" is a young adult novel placed in Feudal Japan.