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A Conversation With Santa Claus
By Tom Schueneman

I phoned Santa up the other day to discuss the upcoming holiday and my list of things I want for Christmas:

tds: Hi Santa, how are things? Got a minute? I’ve got my list here and I’d like to go over it with you if you don’t mind…

Santa: Well, Tom, I am busy. And besides, have you been good this year?

tds: Well, gee Santa, I’ve done my best. You know, we’ve all got our foibles…
Santa: Yes indeed Tom, you do.
tds: It’ll only take a minute.

Santa: (Sigh) Okay, Tom. But I’ve only got a few minutes. I’ve got to pick up Rudolf from the ear, nose and throat doctor.

tds: Is he okay?

Santa: Yes, just getting his nose polished for Christmas Eve.

tds: That’s good! And thanks for giving me some time. This won’t take long. You see, I really think I’ve got enough stuff. Too much stuff, in fact.

Santa: You don’t say! Most people in your neck of the woods have too much stuff. I swear the Reindeer just groan when we make the North American leg of the trip… So what’s your point Tom?

tds: Well, this is going to sound corny… But you are Santa Claus after all… I was just wondering… well…

Santa: What? What are you trying to say? You aren’t going to say…

tds: …what about peace on earth and good will toward men – or we could be more PC and say good will toward people – and maybe animals and the environment too?

Santa: (Sigh) Spoken like a true San Francisco liberal.

tds: Santa! How can you sound so cynical!

Santa: Me? Cynical? Tom, Tom, Tom. Sometimes it really amazes me how someone as apparently bright and well-spoken as you can really be so daft…

tds: Thanks.. but, hey! Daft? What happened to jolly old Saint Nick?

Santa: Tom, I’m as real as you make me. And I’m the way you need me to be.

tds: Huh?

Santa: Suffice it say, my friend, that reality consists of more than what is perceived by the five senses, hormones, and emotional hot buttons that you seem so anchored to. Why do you think I live at the North Pole? It’s a place where you’ll never be able to find me. You’ll never find me as long as you look outside. I am real only inside your heart. And you’re not a bad sort, really. That’s why I answered the phone. Otherwise, I simply wouldn’t have existed at all.

tds: I’m sorry Santa, I know I’m daft. I know I should be smarter; I’ve honestly been surprised that I’ve been able to fool everyone this long. But what does it mean?

Santa: You say you want peace on earth and good will toward humanity and balance in the world. And you already have it. Or can have it if you choose to. All the answers you need have already been given to you, you just need to look in the right place and choose to find them.

tds: I’m just a one guy. How can I bring peace to the whole world?

Santa: You can’t, Tom, get over yourself. But you can make a difference. You can bring peace to your heart. You can live with a peaceful heart. So can all how-ever-many-billions of people there are now. But you can’t do anything about anybody else. You all run around trying to manipulate and impose your thoughts, hang-ups, motives, beliefs, and what-have-you on each other and you just can’t do it. The only change that comes to anyone is from within. You can live with a peaceful heart and influence others only by example. So don’t worry about what anybody else does or thinks. If you want peace on earth and good will toward men, then find it in your own heart and show it to the world. You are already everything you ever will be. The rest is just the unfolding of realization… Your job is to make choices and your gift is the freedom to do so, for good or ill. And you are given that gift and live with its consequences every day of your life.

tds: Wow, Santa. But what about the list of who’s naughty and nice? And the sack full of stuff for all the children of the world. And just this general retail frenzy that defines this season?

Santa: If it defines the season for you, that is your choice. Don’t you get it? And I’ve got nothing to do with any “retail frenzy” anyway.
A list of who’s naughty and nice is the idea that what you put out into the world will be returned. And it is the giving, not the gift that is important.
Once a year you talk of “peace on earth, good will to men” and make gestures of love toward people in your life that are important to you in the act of giving a gift; Giving a piece of your heart by wrapping it up in colored paper and offering it to someone. It seems the best way for you to understand it is to find some trinket of questionable worth and substituting it for that bit of your heart. It is the act of giving that is the true gift.
Tom, you have all you need for the gift you ask. As does everyone. I can’t give it to you. Nobody can. As soon as everybody understands that, you won’t need Santa Clause anymore.

tds: Christmas wouldn’t be the same without you Santa.

Santa: Yes it would. I am as real as you make me; And am just as you need me to be.

tds: Thanks Santa… I’m trying to understand. I really am.

Santa: I know Tom, I know. Well, look, Rudolf hates to be left waiting at the doctor’s office. I’ve got a ton of things to do. Was there anything else on your list?

tds: Well, now that you ask. I’ve had my eye on a new Blackberry. I could get my email wireless.

Santa: (Sigh) And my task continues…
Look Tom, you’ve got a good job. In fact, you have a few of them. Get it yourself. But all it will get you is email. You already get email, right? You want it following you around through the air? I’m just asking…

tds: Right. I was just joking. Anyway. I’ll let you go. Say “hi” to Rudolf.

Santa: Tell him yourself. You’ll see him soon enough.

tds: I believe I will!

Merry Christmas – Peace on Earth and Good Will Toward Everyone!

Tom Schueneman lives and works in San Francisco as a freelance writer and sound engineer. He also is the editor and publisher of TouristTravel.com and The Traveler

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